The Vail: London Fog (Episode Eight: The Ripper)

This is an idea that I have wanted to do for so long now. I just never thought that when I had this original idea I would also have to deal with a plethora of other awesome ideas at the same time. Honestly, the more I write this arc of the Vail, the happier I get. We've had awesome Zombie minority communities, a French vampire detective, and an ancient evil that is totally Cain. Now we find the ultimete truth about our mysterious friend in the black London Fog trench coat and bowler hat. I can't wait to see where all these facets of the story will end up. Stay tuned. And enjoy this week's piece. Also, especially come back for the next installment as the world of The Vail and the world of The New Adventures Of Horatio collide in a fairly inocuous manner.

The Vail: London Fog
By Joey Pettine

Episode Eight: The Ripper

(Dim lights. Light fog. A BUM is half asleep under a newspaper. He rustles, takes a swig from the dirty bottle beside him, and returns to sleep. People infrequently walk past him, step over him, ignore him. He sighs in the silence. Sharp, clicking footsteps echo softly in the night. They grow louder, clearer, but never speed up. The homeless man rustles and groans as if in a nightmare. The footsteps pause a moment. Enter the RIPPER clad in his black London Fog trench coat and bowler hat. He approaches the bum, his feet clicking like the horses of judgment day. The Ripper kneels over the man and raises his hand, a keen razor shines like the full moon. The bum snorts and awakens, wide eyed. He has enough time to look up into the Ripper’s shadowy face before the blade is at his neck.)

BUM
Who are you?

(The Ripper slowly brings his index finger to the shadows under his hat, a gesture of silence. The bum gasps.)

WILLIAMS
Freeze, fuck face!

(DETECTIVE WILLIAMS enters, gun drawn, accompanied by CONSTABLE MORRISS. INSPECTOR CORDEAUX enters opposite, accompanied by CONSTABLE WATTS and CONSTABLE HESTON. Cordeaux approaches the Ripper, inspecting him curiously, and sniffs the air.)

CORDEAUX
You reek of death, Monsieur. Perhaps your own. Watch him, men. I am told he is quite swift with a blade.

WILLIAMS
Keep still, Mr… Bum. We got this guy.

CORDEAUX
Drop the weapon, Monsieur Ripper. You’re reign of terror has ended.

(A silent pause. When the Ripper speaks his voice is a soft breeze whispering over a dirt road.)

RIPPER
Four bobbies and a Yankee cop get frightened because the rivers bleed and someone’s murdering the dead. So they find someone to blame and take care of. Seems police procedure is the same worldwide. I’m flattered you’d call what I do a reign of terror. I work hard at my trade but I’d never give myself so much credit and I’m surprised you would. Weren’t you at the original, Baron?

CORDEAUX
Drop the weapon.

RIPPER
Can’t hide forever, Baron. Past has a way of catching up to you. Especially one as extensive as yours.

WILLIAMS
Shut the fuck up, sick shit! I’m getting really tired of criminals monologuing. Quit wagging your tongue or I’ll shoot it off.

RIPPER
Detective Williams, you exchange chasing the wrong man in America for chasing the wrong man in Britain. Is this how you want to spend your dying days? But thank you for catching me, Williams. Without you these codgers here may have never got on the right track to finding me. You may be old and sick but your skill as a detective has never failed to impress me or Vail.

WILLIAMS
Vail?! What do you know about Vail? Where is he?!

CORDEAUX
Detective, I am grateful for your assistance in locating such a heinous serial murderer but this is not the time to worry about Monsieur Vail.

RIPPER
You should listen to the Baron, Detective. Obsession does no one any good.

WATTS
Sir, why does he keep calling you Baron?

RIPPER
He won’t tell you. He’s been lying for so long even he isn’t sure who he is. Hero, murderer, commander, butcher, saint, pedophile. Which do you prefer, Baron?

WILLIAMS
Where is Andy Vail?

CORDEAUX
Not now, Detective!


BUM
Can someone help me now?

CORDEAUX
You will leave this poor man be, Ripper.

RIPPER
Gentlemen, I respect you both but I cannot let this man go. Know why?

HESTON
Sir, can we take him in now?

RIPPER
Stay calm, Constable Heston. I’ll get to you.

MORRISS
How did he know your name?

RIPPER
Last year this man beat his girlfriend within an inch of her life. Then he left her in an alleyway and paid a homeless man a bottle of booze to rape her. They both left her to die but the other man was charged for her death. Then karma had it's way with our friend here. Murder leads to guilt, then you need drugs to cope, then you lose all your money and wind up a bum yourself. The universe is a crazy place.

WILLIAMS
What the fuck are you yapping about?

(The Ripper slashes the bum’s throat. They all watch, horrified, as the man gurgles his last breaths. The Ripper stands and wipes his blade. The men circle closer around him, their weapons shaking.)

RIPPER
Unfortunately you can't always count on the universe to finish the job and I simply do not abide bad men.

WATTS
Don’t move!

HESTON
Drop the weapon!

MORRISS
But he’s gotta move to drop the weapon!


WILLIAMS
This ends here.

RIPPER
No, the story never ends, Detective. Not with the bum in the alleyway. Or the thieving hooker who poisoned her mum. Or the college kids shooting mothers and their children. Or the drug dealer burned alive in his own warehouse. Yes, Detective, I've been cleaning up your messes for a while now.

WILLIAMS
You followed me to London.

RIPPER
You followed me.

CORDEAUX
So you are with Andy Vail?

RIPPER
Believe me, Andrew Vail hasn’t the slightest idea I even exist. I'd love to keep chatting but I don't have the time. People will be waking soon and there's an ancient vampire on the loose murdering museum curators and hospital attendants. Tell me, Detective, Inspector, why do you think he's been taking their tattoos?

CORDEAUX
Pardon?

RIPPER
The museum curator. The hospital attendant. Both had patches of skin removed before being murdered. I got a gut feeling they were tattoos and my instincts never fail.

WILLIAMS
You think you're just gonna walk away from here?

RIPPER
No, I plan on killing the three constables first. They have a nasty habit of picking up little boys on their way home from school. Kids are supposed to be able to trust you guys. I would have gotten them sooner but cops are hard to get in England. My best bet was wait for a night when they were on duty and let them come to me. Thank you again, Detective.

HESTON
Oh, my God.

CORDEAUX
Keep quiet, men.

RIPPER
I forgot, Baron, you're okay with pedophiles. Doesn't it suck knowing your the only good guy, Williams.

WATTS
Fuck you!

(Watts fires. The Ripper takes a step back and the bullet catches Morriss in the face, killing him instantly. In one swift movement, the Ripper slashes the throats Heston and Watts. Williams and Cordeaux both fire, hitting the Ripper in the shoulder and thigh. He groans, spins, and hammers Williams in the face, knocking him out. He spins back to face Cordeaux. At the same time, Cordeaux fires and the shot knocks off the Ripper's hat revealing the face, but not the eyes, of Andy Vail. The Ripper grabs Cordeaux.)

CORDEAUX
Mon dieu!

(The Ripper slashes Cordeaux's throat. When Cordeaux grabs his throat the Ripper also slashes along his wrists. Blood streams from the vampire inspector.)

RIPPER
I have heard that bleeding out is one of the worst ways for a vampire to die. Then again you've been around for quite some time, Baron. Maybe you'll get out of this one too.

(The Ripper cleans his blade and puts it away. Then he picks up his hat and places it on his head, hiding his face in shadow once more. Cordeaux drops to his knees, swaying dizzily from the blood loss. The Ripper respectfully tips his hat to him and then walks off, his heels clacking in the night. Blackout.)

The Vail: London Fog (Episode Seven: Bloody London)

This is a whole episode devoted to setting up crazy shit happening.

The Vail: London Fog
by Joey Pettine

Episode Seven: Bloody London

(Darkness. Spotlight on THE CURATOR kneeling before an Egyptian sarcophagus. In his hand he holds a large and ancient manuscript full of strange and archaic symbols. He speaks forgotten words of resurrection and power to the Egyptian idol. BLOOD enters, crudely clothed. He has managed to roughly fasten pants around his waist and he wears a shirt torn down the middle, revealing his blood stained chest.)

BLOOD
You dare to oppose me.

(The Curator stops and turns to Blood with fearful eyes.)

CURATOR
I know what you've come for. You will find nothing but death here.

BLOOD
Can you deliver on such a promise when so many have failed before you?

CURATOR
Sakhmet can.

(He returns to reading aloud. Blood calmly walks over to him, grabs his chin, and the curator unleashes muffled screams as the ancient vampire reaches into his mouth and rips out his tongue. The curator wails as blood gushes from his gaping maw. Blood stares curiously at the limp mouth meat and then tosses it to the floor.)

BLOOD
Actions speak louder than words. Sakhmet knew that. Ram Amun Sakhmet haunted Pharaoh's people for generations, stealing away their women and children in the night. His experiments on the living paved the way for preservation of the dead. Many believed he was a curse set upon them by the vengeful Hebrew lord. Many believed him to be Anubis himself. He was merely a human. Pharoah tortured him years before his execution. Even now he does not forget the pain and one day he will awaken, this stone coffin unable to contain his rage any longer. For now he sleeps and it is very impolite of you to try and wake him.

(The curator, trembling, offers the book to Blood. Blood takes it then, suddenly, grabs the curator by the neck and lifts him face to face.)

BLOOD
The book is not all that I came for. You know that.

(Blackout as the curator screams in agony. Lights up on a tiny bar, secondhand smoke wafts in the atmosphere. ANDY VAIL is drinking a beer. A skinny man, INSPECTOR CORDEAUX, sits next to him and lights a pipe. When he talks it is with a quiet French accent.)

CORDEAUX
Bonjour. You are Detective Vail?

ANDY
Are you Cordeaux?

CORDEAUX
Oui. Chief Detective Inspector Augustus Cordeaux. You requested to see me.

ANDY
You're French.

CORDEAUX
Oui, I am from France.

ANDY
You're a French English detective from Scotland Yard?

CORDEAUX
No, I am an English detective from France at Scotland Yard. Now why did you request to meet me and who are you really? You claim to be an American detective yet your identification was a glaring forgery.

ANDY
And you still met with me. Alone. We both have questions that need answering. Or maybe you just fancy yourself a bit immortal. Deny it if you want, I'm not a detective, but you are. Neither of us are exactly human, vampire.

CORDEAUX
I have feasted on the lives of children more intimidating than you, Monsieur Vail. I was a monster long before I was a vampire and you do not impress me.

ANDY
I get it, you're immortal and dangerous, I've done my research. We can help each other.

CORDEAUX
You talk like the other American policeman. You scratch my back I scratch yours.

ANDY
I'd never turn my back on you. What other American?

CORDEAUX
Detective Williams. I believe he is looking for you.

ANDY
He followed me again! That asshole!

CORDEAUX
He is good, no? You may want to be careful.

ANDY
Do you want my help or not?

(Cordeaux smells him.)

CORDEAUX
You reek of death. What do you want to know?

ANDY
I got into town a week ago. That same night all the rivers in London turned blood red.

CORDEAUX
That is incorrect. They were not blood red, they were blood. For twenty four hours, all of the water in London turned into what should have been a vampire's wet dream.

ANDY
That seems like a Hell of a coincidence.

CORDEAUX
I have learned, over the years, that coincidences are few and far between. Things, no matter how unrelated they seem, always tend to be connected. May I ask, why did you come to London?

(No answer.)

CORDEAUX
You have felt it as well. You truly aren't human.

ANDY
What did you mean should have been?

CORDEAUX
There is an ancient horror that my people fear.

ANDY
The French?

CORDEAUX
Blood drinkers.

ANDY
The French?

CORDEAUX
It is a legend all vampires know. I first heard it when I fought with Joan of Arc. In the ancient times, when the Lord was young, one brother grew jealous of another and slew him in anger. God placed his hand upon the murderer and he was filled with an insatiable thirst and he knelt before his brother and--

ANDY
And Cain drank his brother's blood, right? Thus becoming the first vampire. I get it.

CORDEAUX
And he became that which he devoured.

ANDY
You are what you eat?

CORDEAUX
And Blood washed over the Earth, turning the seas red, and humanity wept. The Lord heard their cries and took pity upon them and Blood slept, neither damned nor saved.

ANDY
He slept? Then what, he woke up.

CORDEAUX
You tell me. Last week a crew began excavating a tomb in Westminster Abbey. The crew was found slaughtered, the Thames ran red with blood, and something has been killing all the vampires in London.

ANDY
You think it's Cain.

CORDEAUX
If you were the first murderer, a true monster, and you awoke to find your vampiric brethren had become a group of whining, glittering, overly dramatic children, would you not feel ashamed? Yes, I believe Blood has returned and no one is safe.

ANDY
How do we stop him?



CORDEAUX
Stop him? We do not even know what he is doing? But he is making waves, vibrations. You feel it. Every crazy person in London does? We have more murders this past week than in the past two months. And the return of Jack the Ripper. London is turning into a madhouse. And I thought Vichy France was bad.

ANDY
Jack the Ripper?

CORDEAUX
Oui. A man has been seen stalking through the fog in a raincoat and bowler hat. One couple saw him slit a man's throat then disappear into the night.

ANDY
Jack the Ripper?

CORDEAUX
Oui.

(The smoke becomes thicker until it becomes a fog. The fog washes over the stage, obscuring everything, engulfing Cordeaux and Andy until they disappear into it entirely. Now there is only the fog and the cool of the night. A WOMAN enters in skimpy, suggestive clothing. She looks to see if anyone is around then pulls out a wallet and begins to thumb through it. A dark figure enters, the RIPPER. He wears a black London Fog trench coat and bowler hat. She does not see him as he takes the razor, slinks behind her, and slits her throat with one fluid motion. She clutches her throat and sinks to the ground to die. He watches the life leave her body then casually strolls off stage. DETECTIVE WILLIAMS enters and follows him. The fog grows thicker into a blackout.)

The Vail: London Fog (Episode Six: All That Were Slain Upon The Earth)

This episode was one fo the first ideas I ever had for the Vail. It took me almost twenty episodes to figure out where I could fit it in and I feel really happy with how it finally turned out. I must say that this was probably the hardest episode to right because I had so many preconceived notions about what I wanted it to be and what should happen. It was also tough because I found out that these vampires had a lot more to say then could be fit on five pages. So, honestly, there was a whole lot of material, stuff that I really liked, that I cut to make it short and sweet. Maybe one day I'll get to expand this scene and that stuff will come back. God, I really loved these guys and wanted to do so much. I really wanted Vincent to drop his accent at one point and reveal he was actually Welsh. Billy was totally going to have a hot older girlfriend. Ed was going to originally live and have to face off against a Twilight mother who actually thought vampires were real. And Eliza had my favorite line which I just had to cut: "Jesus Christ rose from the dead, had people drink his blood, and promised eternal life. Obviously a vampire." Oh, and Lupa was actually origi9nally supposed to be a form of vampire which actually takes the shape of a little porcelain doll and feeds on the life of unsuspecting children. But as I got to writing it I realized that there was a whole bunch of hairy, horned, crazy vampires who never get recognized in this world. This was there time to shine. But I'll stop talking now so you can read up. If you get the chance, though, I'd love to hear what you guys think of Blood. Is he cool? What do you think he is? I tried to do something simple but it may not have worked. Lemme know.

The Vail: London Fog

by Joey Pettine

Episode Six: All That Were Slain Upon The Earth

(A pub, center stage is a poker table surrounded by four pale characters with English accents. ED looks twenty, he wears a black t-shirt and jeans, his hair is gelled up in a ridiculous manner, and make causes his bare skin to sparkle like diamonds. His face broods over his cards. ELIZA wears an elegantly regal sixteenth century dress, she is the pure embodiment of culture. RENNY, a cliché butler, brings her a crimson fluid in a wine glass. She takes the blood red drink and sips politely. VINCE has jet black hair, an elegant suit, and adorns a black cape with bright red lining. His nails are long, his eyes intense, and he talks in a Romanian accent. Lastly, BILLY, looks about eight years old but his eyes have seen centuries pass. All four players reveal long fangs when they smile.)

BILLY

By the way, Lupa's stopping by.

ED

Not again. I thought we agreed not to invite him anymore.

VINCE

You agreed, Edward. The rest of us try not to be bigoted.

ED

I'm not bigoted. I just think if you wanna live in England you should learn English.

ELIZA

I must say, Vincent, this blood is absolutely delightful. Wherever did you procure it?

VINCE

She was a young Gypsy virgin killed on a bed of rosemary under a full blood moon.

ELIZA

I do love virgins. Nothing compares to the orgasmic taste of their unfulfilled desires. I would bathe in virgin blood every evening if they weren't so hard to come by these days.

ED

Lupa's always looking at me weird, too. Those evil snake eyes. I don't think a vampire should look like that.

BILLY

Right, they should be sparkly faggots.

ELIZA

Such language for such a small child.

VINCE

You should not speak so crudely, little boy.

ED

Unless you want Daddy to wash your mouth out with soap.

BILLY

Ha Ha Fucking Ha! It was funnier the first sixteen bloody times, you assholes!

ED

I don't see how my sparkles are any different than his cape or that rubbish accent. Dracula went out of style in the nineties, Vincent.

ELIZA

The difference is Vincent gets women over the age of twelve.

ED

Say what you will but since I've gone Cullen I've had more neck than a giraffe. Like age matters anyway. After a hundred years no one keeps count.

BILLY

I do eat babies. And I doubt those virgins are very old. Speaking of which: the other night an old lady catches me out after dark. Asks if I'm lost. I'm not one to waste a bloody opportunity. I look up and I do the droopy eyes thing. Then I quiver my bottom lip. She immediately goes over all glamoured, you know, that look that says they want you to give it to them. Then, get this bitches, I say, “Are you my mummy?” I actually say that and she falls for it. Crying, blubbering bout taking me to the police, every thing's gonna be alright, and as she lifts me into her caring, nurturing, motherly arms I rip her fucking throat out. Blood fucking everywhere; her larynx vibrating against my tongue, and God I’m getting a blood boner just thinking about it.

ELIZA

Charming.

BILLY

I finish with the old cunt and notice a lorry driver saw the whole damn thing. He floors it, pedal to the fucking metal, Dale Earnhardt hitting the wall kinda speed. He was surprised when I was already in his back seat. It was… It was priceless.

ED

You know that's the kind of behavior that gets you staked.

BILLY

Maybe I just have bigger balls than you?

RENNY

Will that be all, Master? Tru Blood is on tonight.

VINCE

For now, Rensworth. For now.

BILLY

Hang on, boot licker. Got something for you.

(Billy pulls out a jar with a spider. Renny, mad with hunger, grabs for it.)

BILLY

Ah ah. Sit.

(Renny sits cross legged.)

BILLY

Good boy.

(He gives him the spider. Renny looks happy as a school girl. Slowly, he lowers the wriggling arachnid into his mouth. Billy scratches him behind the ear.)

ED

Oh, God. I'm gonna be sick. Get him the fuck out of here.

(Renny hurries off.)

BILLY

I don't really like pets but I love watching them do tricks.

ELIZA

Why do you have a problem with Renny. We all eat.

ED

I eat humans; clean, healthy animals. Plus, I'm a monster, I'm aloud to do sick shit. What's his excuse?

VINCE

He has pledged allegiance to me and in return for his loyalty I shall reward him with eternal life.

ELIZA

Vincent, you seem weary.

VINCE

They have found evidence of a previously undiscovered tomb in Westminster Abbey. Right next to my crypt. The diggers kept me up all day.

ED

That's what you get for sleeping in a coffin instead of a bed.

BILLY

The English are morons. Always unearthing things. Ghoul attacks in the Underground aren't enough. Some things should be left earthed.

ELIZA

Too many horrible things live in sealed tombs. Ghouls, goblins, us.

ED

Godzilla, The Balrog.

(LUPA runs in. He wears human clothes but his arms and head are covered in yellow fur. Silver horns protrude from his forehead, silver tusks from his mouth. His eyes truly are those of a snake and, weirdest of all, he walks backward. He makes a series of clicking and popping sounds.)

BILLY

Lupa, calm the fuck down!

ELIZA

What's wrong?

BILLY

He says... He says the Thames ran red with blood. That we will be devoured by blood.

ED

Holy shit. I'm going swimming.

VINCE

Blood? Could it be?

ELIZA

That is just a myth invented by werewolves to scare us.

BILLY

We will be devoured by blood?

(BLOOD enters. He is completely naked, very fit, and blood cakes from his chin down his chest. In his hand he holds a heart. They all stand to meet him.)

BLOOD

I awoke and the first sensation I felt was the blood running through your lifeless veins. The first aroma I sensed was the humanity which clings to your unworthy flesh. The first word I heard uttered was... Vampire. This meat belonged to a creature which called itself a vampire. It was still beating when I plucked it.

VINCENT

Rensworth.

BILLY

It speaks English. How does it know the language?

ED

Cause it's in England.

BLOOD

Did you believe I would sleep forever? Did you believe I slept? I was lulled by whispers. A far away voice which spake of things to come and reminded me of what was. It spoke of innocence and dreams, fire and death, of the disgraces which writhe within this earth's muck and dare to use my name. Vampire. I remember when that name inspired fear.

(Lupa tries to run. Blood intercepts him, gouges out his eyes with his fingers, then feasts of the blood which runs from his skull. Lupa screams and when Blood has had his fill he leaves him mewling upon the floor. Then Billy attacks. Blood grabs him and tears his throat out but leaves him alive and squealing.)

BLOOD

I have had my fill of dead man's blood but your screams will suffice. Say your final prayers, revenants. Blood will wash over this land.

(Eliza turns to Vince and begins to make out with him. Ed looks astonished.)

ED

Great, I'm the third wheel during vampire apocalypse.

BLOOD

And in him was found the blood of prophets, and of saints, and of all that were slain upon the earth.

(Blood rears his head back, letting out a demonic squeal, and blood rains from the ceiling. Blackout.)

The Vail: London Fog (Episode Five: Obsession)

I know, I know. Why am I busting out so many Vails, recently? Because I am an inspired man. Hopefully you're all enjoying them. And if you like to enjoy life, go out and see Iron Man 2. It wasn't Citizen Kane but it was FUCKIN AWESOME!!! Hopefully you will feel the same way about this week's episode.

The Vail: London Fog

by Joey Pettine

Episode Five: Obsession

(A ratty motel room. DETECTIVE WILLIAMS pushes NANCY VAIL, still wheelchair bound, inside.)

NANCY

Thanks for checking me out.

WILLIAMS

Couldn't talk about this in the hospital cafeteria. We'll have privacy here.

NANCY

I'm surprised they released you. How are you feeling?

WILLIAMS

I realize you're a nice person and everything but I don't have time for all the bullshit that comes before the important shit. We're here to discuss the possibility of killing a man. You need to understand that, Mrs. Vail, because I need to know if you can live with that.

NANCY

Detective, I don't even know if Andrew is a man anymore.

WILLIAMS

I'm glad you put that out there. I think he's a witch.

NANCY

No joke?

WILLIAMS

I don't usually entertain such ideas but I've learned things bout Andy that give me the shakes and... I think the fucker cursed me.

NANCY

What have you learned?

WILLIAMS

You first. You came to me for help, why. What changed your mind about him? Why don't you love him anymore?

(Nancy glares at him.)

NANCY

I didn't ask you to snoop around my life.

WILLIAMS

No, I did that because...

(Williams clutches his aching head. He pulls out a prescription bottle and chews two pills.)

WILLIAMS

Because I needed to. What changed?

NANCY

He murdered my husband.

WILLIAMS

You're abusive husband.

NANCY

That doesn't make it right.

WILLIAMS

But this does?

NANCY

I thought you were okay with--

WILLIAMS

I am. I just need to be sure you are too. Him killing your abusive husband is wrong but you getting revenge is okay? How does that make sense for you?

NANCY

It doesn't. But neither does watching Mike get murdered, unable to move or speak. It doesn't make sense that at times I'm not sure if Andrew killed my husband or if I did. It's not supposed to make sense. Andrew once told me that losing your mind was quite calming. What matters is clear: No one is innocent. Andrew should be stopped.

WILLIAMS

No one is innocent?

NANCY

You're innocent when you dream. Which I've been doing for five months now. Fill me in.

(Williams pulls out a large file folder.)

WILLIAMS

Three decades, Andrew and Michael Vail live normal boring lives. They're born, they eat, go to school, shit, grow up, and one of them marries you, Nancy Vail, the girl next door. Your marriage seems fine but in fact--

NANCY

I know this part, skip it.

WILLIAMS

There are a series of strange events all which lead back to your husband or his brother. This man...

(Hands her a picture.)

NANCY

Henry.

WILLIAMS

Name's Mischa Bratton. Doesn't show up for work one day, disappears for the better part of a year, then starts runnin round with your brother in law. Two nights after your house burns down, he returns home with no recollection of where he was or who he was with.

NANCY

Talk to him?

WILLIAMS

Dead end. If he knows anything, he doesn't know he knows. I got him on surveillance. What's more interesting are the men who worked with your husband. Five genius scientists, all of them, and their families, have been murdered or gone missing in the past six months. You and your brother are the only survivors though reports of Steven Tillhouse and Dr. Ermine North, who went missing at the beginning of the year, frequently surface in the Pittsburgh area.

NANCY

Which is the exact location...

WILLIAMS

I last saw Andy, yes. And wherever Andy Vail goes, strange ass fuck follows. Vail is spotted on the docks, a warehouse goes up in flames. Andy catches a train to Pittsburgh, three college students get murdered in their dorm, a stranger in a bowler hat is spotted on campus in the dead of night, and locals complain of strange lights in the sky. And, most recent, five local yokels go missing after being attacked by large, black birds.

NANCY

Where is he now?

WILLIAMS

MIA. And the weird town I followed him to, Rotterdam, doesn't even exist. But we know where he's going. Someone just purchased a one way flight from Pittsburgh to London under the name Barbara Tillhouse. Vail's fleeing the country.

NANCY

You're going after him?

WILLIAMS

Damn straight. You can follow once you physical therapy your ass back into the upright position. Tell no one where we go.

NANCY

I have no one to tell. What about you, Detective.

(With a resounding slam DETECTIVE HARDY storms in, face red with determination. Nancy is frightened and Williams can only stand before Hardy clocks him in the face. Then an upper cut into Williams chin. Williams falls back and Hardy knees him in the gut then flips him over and the cuffs are on Williams' wrists before he can spit. Nancy watches in shock, Hardy sits Williams upright.)

HARDY

You son of a bitch. Did you think I'd just let this go. I'm not gonna pull the blanket over my eyes and act like everything is fine while you throw away your life. We've been partnered for five years.

WILLIAMS

You don't understand, Hardy.

HARDY

I'm sick of hearing that. This obsession of yours--

WILLIAMS

It's not an obsession.

HARDY

Bullshit! It's fucking insane! And now I hear from you're wife you were hospitalized... That you checked yourself out and... What are you doing?

WILLIAMS

You don't understand.

HARDY

I won't let you do this, sir. You're sick and, I'm sorry to treat you in such a fashion, but you need help and I'm going to make sure you get it.

WILLIAMS

You don't understand.

HARDY

What don't I get? Tell me.

(Hardy sits next to Williams.)

HARDY

We're partners, remember. Closer than family.

WILLIAMS

You're a great man, Hardy, but you never understood what it takes to be a real police officer. What kind of cop would I be if I let a pair of handcuffs put me out.

(Hardy has a moment to look perplexed before Williams punches him in the throat. Hardy gags and gasps while Williams cuffs him.)

NANCY

Is he okay?

WILLIAMS

Sore throat but I was kinda pissed. He punched me. I'll contact you.

NANCY

When?

(Williams exits. Nancy rolls over to Hardy and cares for him. Blackout.)

The Vail: London Fog (Episode Four: The Men)

This was one of the most difficult episodes I ever wrote. One thing led to another and I found myself with eleven characters in one scene in what is supposed to be no more than a five page short script. It was tough. But I feel I may ahve puled it off while still throwing a lot of informaton and acting into the scene. I did my best to follow and adhere to the David Mamet rules of not fucking up scripts while also being inspired by the Joss Whedon kick ass and awesome the audience until they can't breathe way of writing. I would really love feedback on this one.... if any of you are still reading.

The Vail: London Fog
by Joey Pettine

Episode Four: The Men

(A tiny hospital room. In bed is ANDY VAIL, tossing, turning, groaning, having a terrible nightmare. STEVEN TILLHOUSE sits beside him, concerned. Andy wakes with a start.)

ANDY
I have to go to London.

STEVEN
London? Why?

ANDY
I don't know. Somethings happening there. I think. I need to check it out. Where am I?

STEVEN
Rotterdam Memorial Hospital.

ANDY
The zom—undead have hospitals?

STEVEN
Hospital, just one. Most victims of the undead are misinformed medical practitioners, they deserve a place to ply their trade. You caused a bit of excitement, almost dying. People fought over you. Straws were drawn.

ANDY
That's morbid. At least I made it. I did make it, right? I'm not--

STEVEN
You're alive. The conventional alive. But it was touch and go for a bit there. What happened to you?

ANDY
I got chunks of flesh ripped out of my back, you were there. Might be a minor inconvenience for you but wounds like that don't tend to sit well with us living folk.

STEVEN
I've seen you pick up grown men with one hand. You once took a bullet to the belly and brushed it off like a bug bite. You're superhuman.

ANDY
I'm only human, Steve.
STEVEN
Since when?

ANDY
Since Henry left. It just happened.

STEVEN
From hero to zero.

ANDY
Just like that. Mostly. I didn't lose everything, just the physical stuff. I've still got the sixth sense. I see dead people. And a bunch of other things.

STEVEN
Andy, being human is alright but not if you make a habit of chasing after monsters.

ANDY
Could you go back? If you weren't dead, if you were regular old living Steve, could you just go back and act like nothing was different?

STEVEN
I'd try.

ANDY
I'm not you.

STEVEN
I'm just saying. You keep on like this, you'll die.

ANDY
Didn't stop you. Now help me up.

STEVEN
I'd like the nurses to check you out first. Barb?

(Enter BARBARA with NURSE B, who looks perfectly normal for being dead, and NURSE R, her right eye missing.)

BARBARA
How you feelin', Mister Livin'?

ANDY
Like something ate pieces of my back.

STEVEN
That's what the girls are here for. Check him out, ladies.
NURSE R
Already have been, Mister T.

NURSE B
You're so bad.

NURSE R
Alright, Mr. V, this is gonna hurt.

(The nurses get on either side of Andy, grip his arms, and, with one swift movement, they sit him up. He groans pain and surprise. They begin to check and replace the bandages on his wounds.)

ANDY
That wasn't gentle at all.

NURSE B
Gentle shmentle.

NURSE R
You like it rough.

STEVEN
Why London?

ANDY
I feel I should.

STEVEN
You know where those feelings lead you.

ANDY
That's why I have to g-OW!

NURSE B
Enough jibber jabber.

NURSE R
You're not going anywhere until we say so.

STEVEN
How's he look?

NURSE R
Damn good, unfortunately.

NURSE B
And not just in the his-living-flesh-glistens-like-a-sexual-God way. His wounds are clean, infection free, and healing as they should. It's refreshing to treat supple, yummy flesh.

NURSE R
Lot better than scraping off mushrooms or scooping out maggots.

ANDY
Do that a lot around here?

NURSE R
This is a zombie hospital, fleshpot. That's half the job description.

NURSE B
You know I don't like that word.

NURSE R
I know, I wouldn't call this much of a job either.

NURSE B
The “z” word.

NURSE R
I'm undead. I'm allowed to say it.

ANDY
So I can go?

NURSE B
If you wish.

NURSE R
But if you didn't I'm sure we could find a bed for you. Might not be empty but it's not really necrophilia if they move.

ANDY
Pants! Steve, I wants my pants now.

NURSE R
Don't be such a wuss.

NURSE B
It would probably help with those nightmares of yours.

STEVEN
Nightmares?
NURSE B
Mr. V here was tossing and turning and running up a cold sweat all evening.

NURSE R
Screamed for your Nana at one point, you big baby.

NURSE B
That's what you said. Said you wanted Nan.

STEVEN
What were the nightmares?

ANDY
You're playing the concerned parent a bit much, buddy.

BARBARA
Steven cares, Mr. Vail. A caring friend does not warrant snipitiness.

ANDY
They're just nightmares. I'm allowed to have nightmares in this line of work.

STEVEN
This isn't something you have to do. How long have you been having them?

ANDY
Steve, I'm fine and you really need to help me out of this bed.

STEVEN
Andy, talk to me. What's wrong?

ANDY
You know those feelings I get?

STEVEN
London can wait.

ANDY
This can't.

(The high pitched alarm begins to blare.)

BARBARA
What's going on? Is it those men again?

ANDY
No. Something else.
(DR. NORTH rushes in with a slam.)

STEVEN
What's happening?

DR. NORTH
They've come for... me.

ANDY
Let me see.

STEVEN
See what?

ANDY
I can feel it on you. Let me see it.

NURSE R
That's what she said.

BARBARA
Not the time.

DR. NORTH
Someone... delivered it... to me... last week.

(North gives a small, black, circular box to Andy who immediately begins to vomit blood and puss until he throws it back to North. The nurses rush to Andy's aid.)

ANDY
That's not meant for anyone but you, North.

NURSE R
He lost a lot of blood.

NURSE B
Do you need anything? How do you feel?

ANDY
Like I'm dying. And my throats scratchy.

(Nurse B runs off for water.)

STEVEN
What is that thing?

BARBARA
It's just a box.

ANDY
No. It's not.

DR. NORTH
When I... opened it... birds flew out. Big black birds.

ANDY
How many?

DR. NORTH
Five.

ANDY
Alright, there's five of them. Do we have any weapons?

(Nurse R reveals a snub nose.)

NURSE R
What are these things?

ANDY
Bad.

STEVEN
Dangerous?

(Nurse B reenters with the water and a gun to her head. SAM, a man in a black suit with black gloves, is her captor. He is blind and a pentagram is tattooed on his forehead.)
SAM
I'd say so.

NURSE R
Drop it before I drop you, shit eater.

SAM
Calm down. If I wanted you deader than you are, you would be by now.

NURSE R
You've got till three.

SAM
I wouldn't if I were you. I may be blind but that just helps me see better.
NURSE R
One...

DR. NORTH
I... knew you'd come.

NURSE R
Two...

BARBARA
Stop it. Someone stop it.

STEVEN
Put down the gun.

NURSE R
I don't do nothing for no man.

DR. NORTH
They're not... men.

STEVEN
They?

(From behind them step two more men, MAMMY, who is extremely skinny with dark sunglasses, and MERRY, who looks like he has a bad cold. Both of them have pentagrams on their head and wield guns. Mammy presses his gun to Nurse R's temple with a smile. She grimaces and Merry takes her weapon with a sneeze. Sam releases Nurse B who runs to her friend, crying tearlessly.)

DR. NORTH
Are you... death?

SAM
Only for you, Dr. North.

ANDY
Is that what the box was?

MERRY
It's called a pentagram.

MAMMY
Penta-GRAM. Get it.


SAM
We can only enter this realm with the aid of a human. Dead or alive.

DR. NORTH
I... opened the box.

MAMMY
And let us out to raise some Hell.

STEVEN
What do you want?

SAM
To do my job, that's all. If you people cooperate, that's all I'll do. If you try and stop me, there will be a bloodbath.

(Mammy laughs maniacally. Andy takes the water from Nurse B and holds it close.)

SAM
My boys would love a blood bath. They don't get out much. Though it seems Merry is allergic to this realm.

MERRY
Ugh, the humanity. It's sickening.

DR. NORTH
They already... killed Mrs. Addams.

MAMMY
More than that, dead head.

SAM
They got in the way. We have a job to do.

MAMMY
Come Hell or high water.

ANDY
Then stop messing around. Where are the other two?

(TEMA, who wears a white suit, and LEO, with scraggly hair and duffel bag, enter. They also bear pentagrams.)
TEMA
Give us the doctor without trouble.

LEO
Or I'll give you trouble.

(Leo unzips the duffel revealing a bomb. Mammy laughs some more.)

LEO
Kaboom!

MAMMY
Kaboom!

STEVEN
What do you want with Dr. North?

TEMA
It's his time.

STEVEN
He's not dead. No more than anyone else here.

TEMA
But he is damned.

SAM
No one escapes Hell that easily. You aren't the first to skip out on judgment.

MERRY
We all get judged. We all pay our dues.

MAMMY
This isn't jury duty. Hell doesn't care if you're sick.

NURSE B
Bounty hunters from Hell.

NURSE B
And meanies.

DR. NORTH
I'll... go if... no one else is hurt.

STEVEN
You can't take him.

BARBARA
He's changed, repented.
LEO
Ain't that easy, rape meat.

STEVEN
What did you just say?

SAM
Dr. North has murdered innocents and defiled the laws of God and nature. Then he died. He burns for it. That's how it goes.

TEMA
Thus is the will of God.

NURSE B
I thought God was forgiving.

MERRY
What Bible have you been reading?

ANDY
The power of Christ compels you! Run, Dr. North.

(Andy throws his water on Merry and runs at Tema. Tema shoots him in the gut. Andy falls to the floor and the nurses go to him again. Dr. North stands there complacently. Merry holds his face screaming. Tema shoots Merry in the head, there is a demonic roar and the lights flicker.)

SAM
Holy water.

ANDY
Blessed it myself.

SAM
Anyone can get ordained these days. We never should have invented the internet.

LEO
Or Al Gore.

DR. NORTH
They'd... find me if I ran. More would... die.

SAM
The doctor has accepted his fate. Why can't the rest of you?


BARBARA
That's what friend do. Help each other.

MAMMY
Would any of you really call Dr. North your friend?

ANDY
I sure wouldn't. If it wasn't for him my brother would still be alive.

TEMA
I can taste your hate, Mr. Vail. You have a terrible Wrath within you.

ANDY
Yeah, I bet you love it. But I still found it in my hate filled heart to forgive North. Him saving my life helped, but if I can forgive North, after all he did, why can't that holier than thou prick upstairs do the same?

TEMA
You take the Lord's name in vain?

NURSE R
God's bitches! Holy hell! Here I spent my whole life and unlife thinking demons were bad ass warriors against the Lord, like fucking super terrorists or the unholy rebel alliance, and turns out you're just God's bitches. Ain't enough that he smacked your boss outta Heaven and keeps the rest of you outta the pearly gates just cause he's a demophobe. You still gotta lick his shiny, shitty feet.

NURSE B
Such language.

SAM
I wouldn't say such things about the Eternal Flame.

DR. NORTH
It's... over... friends. I accept what I did.

ANDY
No, North. We don't play by their rules.

STEVEN
It's not right.

TEMA
On your knees.


ANDY
You assholes.

DR. NORTH
Please, make it... quick.

SAM
Enjoy it. Every moment after this will be an eternity.

TEMA
Thus is the will of the Lord.

(Tema presses the gun to his head. The other demons circle North pressing their guns to his skull.)

BARBARA
You're a good man, Ermine. Remember that no matter what. You proved yourself to us.

ANDY
You convinced me.

DR. NORTH
You... are my first... friends. Even if you're not. I... love you.

STEVEN
I'm sorry.

(A cell phone rings. They all look perplexed. Tema answers his cell then hangs up. He lowers his gun.)

MAMMY
No!

LEO
It's been so long!

(Tema shoots Mammy then Leo right in the pentagrams. There are two demonic roars and the lights flicker.)

SAM
Congratulations, North. Mr. Vail, you could learn a thing or two.

(Tema shoots Sam in the pentagram. A roar and flicker.)



TEMA
You have been pardoned, Dr. North. To love another person is to see the face of God. Don't waste this. I can always come back for you.

(He shoots himself dead with a final roar and flicker. They all look at the dead bodies in shock. Andy passes out and the nurses panic.)

NURSE B
He's hemorrhaging.

NURSE R
We gotta get him to surgery, stat!

(Dr. North and Steven help the nurses lift Andy back into the bed, blood pours from his belly. Nurse R grabs a pillow and presses onto the wound. Everyone exits, rolling the bed with them. Barb grabs the bomb duffel and follows. The lights grow dim but the hospital setting is the same. NANCY VAIL, wheelchair bound, is rolled on stage by DETECTIVE HARDY. DETECTIVE WILLIAMS follows.)

NANCY
Detective Williams, I'm glad you could come on such short notice.

WILLIAMS
I was surprised to hear from you. Not just cause you were in a coma.

NANCY
You mean because of how you harassed me while in custody.

HARDY
We don't need to talk about that. Wait, are you suing?

WILLIAMS
I was doing my job. Trying to find your husband's killer.

NANCY
I understand that now.

HARDY
Alright, I'm stepping in because this conversation is going exactly where it shouldn't. As tragic as your husband's death was, Mrs. Vail, it was an accident, nothing more, case closed. And you, Detective. This obsession has gone far enough.

(Williams gets a migraine.)

HARDY
You're killing yourself and destroying your life in the process.
NANCY
They'll never see, Detective. That's why I needed you.

HARDY
Sir, you really think they'll let you reopen this case?

NANCY
Justice doesn't require the law.

WILLIAMS
What are you suggesting?

HARDY
This is vigilantism! Vengeance!

WILLLIAMS
Leave, Hardy. You've been a good partner but you'll never understand. You can't.

(Williams hands Hardy his badge.)

HARDY
You're right. I don't understand. You're giving up everything for... insanity!

WILLIAMS
I don't blame you, Hardy. You just don't know.

(Hardy stalks off, shocked.)

NANCY
We're the only ones who remember what actually happened.

WILLIAMS
It's more than that. It weighs on you. Something making me see Andy's innocence so much I can't help but see he's not. I need it to be over.

NANCY
No matter what the cost?

WILLIAMS
This is all that matters.

(Williams grabs his head and passes out. Nancy screams, nurses run in. Blackout.)